Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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