Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
