also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
