you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
