he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
