the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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