I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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