if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
