Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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