Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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