youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
