Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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