I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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