I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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