if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
