M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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