Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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