i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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