look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
