I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am available for nakedness
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
