I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
