He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
