The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
