he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
