My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
