and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
