I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
