I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
