something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
