Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
