My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
