3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Acid is not a monday night drug
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
