Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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