But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
