He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
