I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
my liver is dry heaving
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