she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
