In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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