Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
