i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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