I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
