help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
