the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
