Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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