Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
