Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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