so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
