using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
