I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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