Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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