How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
